Sweeeet temptation

I'm guessing you all know how it feels to be distracted.
Just when you feel you have your head screwed on tight, something comes along and spins it in circles. Just when you feel you see ever so clearly, something in the background catches your eye. And no matter how hard you try, you can't keep your gaze off of it.
Now get this distraction and times it by 100 billion zillion.
If you've ever felt like this, you'll know exactly how i feel.

So everything was going picture perfect. I was absolutely rock-hard focused, and achieving great marks in my school work. (98% on Legal Studies! ;) Goooooo Meeee !
Anyway, a good friend of mine recently had a party, and as i had anticipated, IT WENT OFFF - in every way possible!
As i tend to do, i simply expected to have a good time, nothing more, nothing less.
Anyway, as you might already know, i am sort of? seeing this guy who lives in Germany, but we really haven't, you could say, defined what we have, so that was something i had to assume.

The party was mega crazy. Everyone was pretty drunk, and things were heating up.
(I just remembered, i don't usually like to write about literal things, and pointless information such as partying etc. But i do have a point to this.)
Anyway, i had happened to have found myself in another, crazy, messy predicament.
Well, a lot of guys kind of wanted to hook up etc. (please pardon my self-centered sounding self in this section). And lucky for me, i didn't end up doing it. But i came bloody well close to it...

Ever since then, my mind has been running effing errands again.
All those passionate moments, i keep reliving, again and again and again.
The tenderness, the intimacy, the passion, the affection. All those things i have been longing for or yearning, are all at my fingertips, within my grasp, and yet i still push it away.

I had so many opportunities, well i still do. But the more i keep ignoring it, the more it comes to haunt me. The more i avoid it, the more opportunities i miss. The more i linger on the edge of intimacy and affection, the more and more i yearn for it.

Maybe people get more attracted to people who are not looking for love. Just a random thought. Maybe it's the ones who aren't searching, who find themselves with all the bloody distractions, effing 13 in one night gahhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I never thought it would be that extravagant.

But seriously, I am pretty much stuck once again. Right now, in terms of love and relationships, i don't know what i want. Hooking up is too little, but relationships are too much. Half of me is wanting to focus, work hard to get what i want and NOT GET DISTRACTED.

But, would love really be such a bad distraction? What if i wanted, missed, longed for and craved it? What if it would inspire me?
But what if it will pull me down, and blur my vision?
What if i need it?

Can somebody please help?? Give me some sort of indication.
I am seriously lost for words. I don't know what to do.
SOS !

...Stupid love.

x

ABSOLUTELY OVER THE MOON;

Oh my God I EFFING LOVE MY LIFE, I EFFING EFFING EFFING LOVE IT!


Everything makes perfect sense to me, everything is so simple & clear, LIFE IS GREAT.

Had an exceptionally amazing day today, and quickly realized that life couldn't get any more simple...
Find your passion, and don't stop till you get it! No matter what anyone says or does, DON'T STOP UNTIL YOU GET TO THE TOP. You can do absolutely anything, you can be absolutely anyone! You can go to the moon, you can go friggen anywhere! All you gotta do is simply believe it. Believe you have it! Believe you own it! Believe you are the very best because it is oh-so true!

It's so clear to me, and i adore every second of it!

Ohhhhhhhhhh I probably sound extremely overrated and amazingly cliche BUT I swear, I ain't lying. It's the secret to life, the answer to all your worries! It's YOU. BELIEVE YOU CAN.
PICTURE YOUR DREAMS. FOCUS ON THE POSITIVE. and don't worry about anything else. it's so simple, and don't you ever say you can't because that is truly impossible :)


WOOOO LOVE YOU BUMS X TOOOOOOOODLES.

P.S.
"You can have it all, anything you want you can make it yours. Anything you want in the world, anything you want in the world." - BEST SONG

Perspective bubble ? - To live and to LEARN.

It is so different when you see things from a new perspective. You simply don't look at things the same anymore. It's different. Everything's different. It's so obvious to you, you just wonder how on earth it didn't appear to you in the first place. It provides you with such an insight, (one that was never apparent before), on ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING. Like walking in new shoes or re-arranging your room. It is something indescribable, something pure, something only you posses something beautiful that everyone will experience someday. Once you own this, you can't just simply go back; it has found you for a reason, and with you it will stay. And lemme guess; you try and you try to define your newly acquired belief, but it's no simple task. You and only you will see things the way you do.



Obsession. Is there truly such thing as a healthy obsession? Or does obsession simply outweigh the great balance of life? Perhaps. Either way, i find myself yet again, fixated on another way of going about things, another point of view. Obsessed? You tell me.

However, i do believe this time it is a potentially "healthy" or "good" obsession. An obsession that will help me in the long run, an obsession that will hopefully get me places.

It's the ability to learn!



Hahaha, sounding odd to you?
I know, it appeared odd to me too...

Well, it all started with the vast return of school. The world we left behind over summer, the world that was temporarily out of the picture. And now, it is back; bigger than ever, and i find myself inspired, enthusiastic and oh so captivated to learn now more than ever.

As you probably know, I am currently undergoing year 11, (VCE).
I had already imagined before the year had began, that it'd be challenging. However, i definitely didn't grasp the enormous influence it'd have on me. It has seriously became my life :S.

My time, my attention and every ounce of energy i posses, is directed into completing my studies and working to my absolute full potential or capacity - That may sound absolutely impossible and oh-so far-fetched, but somehow I've managed! And I cannot describe it to you guys any other way. I feel yet again transformed, and well i guess just genuinely dedicated.

This time it really hit me right between the eyes. This is what school is there for, this is what we are brought up to do. We learn. We learn from everything around us, and i simply can't get enough of it. I want to learn everything that you could ever possibly learn. I want to "suck out all the marrow of life" :)

I seriously do not know how to express my gratitude or thankfulness towards all the privileges i am supplied with by means of education. Thank you God? Thank you mummy? Thank you universe! tehehehe.


Odious ♥
xxxxxxxxxxxx

5 things that make me who i am

5 things that make me who i am.

Because everything in your life happened and happens for a reason.
Because everything that has happened, happened because you
attracted it to yourself.
Because everything that has happened, is the reason you are the
very person that you are now.
This by all means gives you every right to be 100% thankful.
To love, respect and treasure who you were, who you are, and
WHO YOU'RE GOING TO BE.

So make it count, treasure each moment and follow your heart.
Be the person you want to be, and never lose sight of your dreams.

Try this, look back onto your memories, look hard, and find those
5 special events that has impacted you most. Whether they were good
or bad, they are terribly significant and they have made you
who you are today.




1. From the age of 4 till 14 or 15 (for around 10 years) i was really really really shy, people would
constantly tell me to speak up. I was really attached to my family and didn't want to leave them constantly for school everyday.
Anyway i was basically an introvert, until i reached year 9, and well i somehow found the strength to let myself really shine through. That's how i became really hypo and i kinda swung the opposite way, and now i absolutely love talking and words. I guess found the confidence in myself... :)


2. I really like nature and holiday places in the country side where everything is untouched,
the only thing you can hear is birds chirping etc. I think it's beautiful. Hence me being born in a small town minutes away from Bendigo. That's definitely why I'd
prefer nature to technology.


3. I am really stubborn and always have been. Well actually my entire family is, I think it's
passed down or in the genetics or something. I even see it in my dog :S:S.


4. When i was in grade 3 or 4 i wrote a story that got published in a book. It was a book of short
stories/poems written by children all around Australia. I didn't think much of it then, in fact i
seriously didn't acknowledge the potential in it or the extent as to how awesome it really was.
When i was around that age, i also had this favorite computer game called 3D movie maker.... :P
and for a long time i forgot about the enjoyment i found in it, also with writing. It kinda drifted
away for awhile as i was hovering through MY phase of 'teenybopperness' :P


5. For primary school and year 7, i gotta admit, i went to kinda crappy schools. My primary
school was a public school not far from my house (literally next door) and it was pretty good,
but knowing all that i know now, it's not so much of a good school :S :S
Majority of the past students that i used to know that went there awhile back, have either
turned into a slut, an emo, a dropout, obese(ish) or in a deeeeep deeependant reeealationship.
But there is a minority who are still pretty awesome. I also come across many of the teachers
at maccas, and to be brutally truthful, they look pretty average/lower class
(please don't mind my hypocritical remarks and discrimination)

But the biggest impact it had on me is that it changed my surroundings. I was surrounded by
mostly the wrong crowd for a big part of my life. People were dry, slack, rude, dirty, hypocritical
and they didn't own much respect. They never knew when to draw the line. They would
constantly cross it without even realizing because that was the way they were brought up.
It's kinda sad i guess. And this definitely rubbed off on me. I thought it was normal. I thought
that was what people were like. And for some stupid reason, i chose a high school even
worse off, because the majority of my friends were going there too. After awhile i finally came to
my senses and my conscience told me this was far from normal. So, i moved to tcc in year 8,
and my world, my sense of right and wrong and what i thought to be normal was turned upside
down and back to front and life became overwhelmingly amazing :)



So there you have it.
Go on. Now it's your turn. Look back, and see what brought you here.
And also, don't forget look forward as much as you can, and picture
yourself living your dreams. No matter how crazy it may be.
I wish you luck.

Lots of love, Claire x

Stereotypical teenyboppers!

Hahahahahahaha. You are probably wondering what my intentions are whilst reading that random title. Well well well, by all means, let me fill you in ;)

As you might have already noticed from my previous entries, I have somewhat changed these holidays, well at least my paradigm has, or in other words my point of view or outlook.
You see, I don't look at things the way I used to, I now look at things in the way I aspire my life to be. The way I want to be, and the way I'd like to see myself (This might be confusing but you'd know what I mean if you have seen or heard of the secret! hehehehe) Anyway, as of today I've suddenly received a slap of realization of the most common paradigm going around in my generation and of my vintage. I got hit with the point of view of a teenager. (not that I'm not one myself), but this paradigm is completely different to mine, surprisingly!

Today I randomly bumped into two of my closest guy friends whilst working. It was not long before my shift ended and they told me that they might come back afterward. I was naturally doubting this possibility due to past events with these particular people, involving loss of trust and loss of respect, or you could just say, we had some serious issues.
Anyway, surprisingly, they returned afterward to spend some quality time together with their faithful friend Claire :) I was delighted...
We started talking like old times, and I was enlightened to get permission to hang out with them (randomly!) And catch up on whatever we missed over summer.

As the day went by, and the sun went down, we shared a great day together, just like old times.
I was soon to pick up on the aspects of life they had been focused on lately, or what they had been directing their energy towards. The answers are as follows;

Girls (hooking up), appearances, impressions, partying and drinking. That was what they were focused on???!!! SERIOUSLY SOMEONE SHOOT ME IN THE HEAD.
They were constantly bringing it up, and fixated on their appearance and first impressions. This coming from the minds of 16 year old, teenage boys? Can this be right?
The answer is strangely enough, that I must be an oddity or something, because this behavior/thought process is completely normal for this day and especially, age. Thus quoted by hundreds of psychologists around the world, and here I stand alone. But this doesn't mean, by any means, that I would change myself to fit in, nope. People love me just the way I am and I love them for the way they are. It's what makes you, you, and me, me. It's the way we are.

After grasping the complete sense of normality this situation exhibits, I soon got used to their personalities again, and convinced myself that this is in 99% of cases, very likely to be temporary and not a lasting way of thinking. Although, I was still inclined to give my opinions, but I did respect the fact that I may very likely be one or perhaps two, steps in front of them in my outlook on life, and once again, I accepted the annoying, yet entirely awesome people that they truly are.

This insight also brought back all the memories of those surrounding me, those who fit the genre. The most common stereotypical teenager or "teenybopper" as I like to call them :P
It's the last personality you undertake before you become an adult, and the stage where you are presented with the most grand opportunities, as well as the worst. This is the faze where you can do something you totally regret or you can choose to do something that will reward you in every aspect of later life.
You see, "teenyboppers" don't necessarily see their future in the present time, nope, they only see the now.

They see partying as a weekly ritual
They see the opposite sex as a target (based on looks alone)
They see appearances before all
They see school as a drag
They see the internet as only communication and a way of disguise by achieving a different perception
They see drinking as a worthy proof of how much fun you are having, and how much better you look above all else
They see parents/teachers as intruders
They see their status/pride over most other aspects
They seek any chance to get attention
They manipulate themselves to suite the majority
And they want everything their way, now!

Does this sound normal to you? Does this fit the criteria?
Or does this shock you? Does this compel you to differ?
Well, whatever you believe, this is what around 90% of teens are thinking at this very minute. But no, it's not a sin to be thinking these things, it's pretty damn normal.
Gosh do I feel like an outsider now...

(Sorry, to all those teens reading this who have a completely different way of thinking, please excuse my being biased.)

Perhaps I just started along that road of growing up a lot earlier that most. But I cannot discriminate those who are still at that intermediate stage of a hovering nature. Sure they are putting a lot of energy to a fairly pointless use, but hey, they'll learn someday.

Well, with me returning to school on Tuesday, I believe this isn't the end of my exposure to this way of thinking, in fact; this is just the beginning.
It's back to school for Claire, and the end to what was an amazing, rewarding, exciting and insightful summer holidays. It's time to put my determination to the test, and switch my mind on overdrive. Take in the spirit, work hard and re-enter the great balancing act of the average, school-committed, hard working, determined, hyperactive Claire's life, and hey, it's definitely not going to be easy...


Wish me luck.
Yours Truly,
Clairabelle xxxxxx