Lost in translation & yearning like a bitch ?

Wow, yet another week jam-packed full of action, energy & mixed emotions.. i think I'm on a roll...

Seriously, i feel i am constantly on a roller coaster ride of emotions.
IT DOES MY HEAD IN. Or maybe this is just the hype of adolescence..

Wow where to start...

for some of the emotions i experienced;

- think -

patience
questioning
loss of patience
temper mental
searching
confused
flirty
embarrassment
( ( guilt ) )
focused.
hyper
ecstatic
overjoyed
happy relief
talkative
realization
love
hopeful
determined
thankful
busy
stressed
under pressure
had enough
warmth (from the hot weather)
hyper/tired
infatuated?
intense
adored
confused
exhausted!
wrecked.


- Yes, you can call that a summary, of the highlights & low lights of my week. -

But most importantly, the re-occurring, and unavoidable emotion;
it would have to be confusion
guilt
and... infatuation.

And for some reason; it's highly addictive
Like a (forbidden) fantasy
Like an untold desire
Like a drug

Then i ask myself...
Why does it have to be so damn hard to determine the difference between infatuation and... love?
Why is it right (or wrong) to choose one person over another?
Why is it when your brain makes an (informed) choice, your heart will often disobey (given no reason at all) ?
Why can't you just remain neither here nor there?
Why is it so.......................... ?


My week started off crazy, most definitely from the prolonging aftermath of the greatest weekend of all time!
Although, i was a little anxious & well and truly guilty, for sometimes fun & crazyness leads to others getting hurt.
I decided to take the Monday off, because there is a needed part of your life where you must rest and recover (this is something i neeed to work on!)
But i couldn't help but feel guilty & slightly cowardly for not showing up.

As the week progressed i found myself in a position where, i had to compare all the good & bad aspects to make an informed decision.

That is sometimes a fairly easy thing to do, but not when it's about other people... and emotions...
that's when things get complicated.

I could not help but feel like a bitch after that.
But, (knowing me), i decided to hold it off for just a little bit longer.
So, days went by, and i just put it aside.

But the more i kept avoiding it, the more it haunted me.
And the more it played on my mind, the more confused i became.


And now... i really don't know where i stand :( :S
I thought i knew... but i guess that was my brain talking not my heart's... desire ....?

What is the difference between love and lust ?

How do you know? because quite frankly, i am pretty stuck right now.
Trying to make sense of my feelings is not an easy thing. TRUST ME
All these random mixed signals ain't helping either.
And the way I've been acting is inexcusable
I really need to get my head around this.
Make up my mind, (or my heart which ever it is?)
and not end up hurting anyone.
But yes, i have a feeling, that either way someone is going to get hurt.
And the longer i drag it on, the worse it is going to be on everyone involved, all because i can't make up my mind...?!?!?!!
.....................................


MY RESPONSE:



I'll get back to you.
ex oh ex oh ♥