"you don't know what you've got till it's gone."

Okay, moving on now.

Now that covered the 5 billion feelings of happiness and completion in the previous blog (couldn't fit it all in one), I'd like to move on to the slightly concerning situation I'm sort of involved in. Although it ain't all bad, it's good and bad. And yep you guessed it; it's got to do with a guy.

*Just a note to readers, this information is pretty private and should not be read if it doesn't have any relevance to you. This is just my own way of letting my feelings out, so please have the decency and respect the privacy of my thoughts. Just cos' it's on the web, doesn't mean it's for you to read... That's the one of the good things about the internet; having that choice. This is just a word of warning.*


Anyways, where shall I start...
So I've sort of gotten myself into yet another unfortunate predicament, concerning boys and that that funny feeling of infatuation. Thankfully it isn't my fault that the circumstances are what they are, and it can't be a (longer) term thing.

Well i met this pretty nice smart guy at school and i hooked up with him recently at a friends party. We were just friends and all, but i think now we've become something slightly more than just friends... Anyways, we've been going slow you could say, really slow in fact; we're basically at the first stage of getting to know one another (on a personal scale). And i think I've realized (after today), that there is something more between us...

Unfortunately for me, there's a BUT. A bigggg but.
You see, he's a foreign exchange student from Germany, leaving at the end of the year... FOREVER! All the gentle flirting and butterfly feelings in your stomach you get at first, all takes it's time. But NO. All in the brink of time for me?! It's not like there's a choice involved though....
But i guess that's the way things go, love takes (a whole lot) of time to develop you see. This is something we don't have...

I think today gave me a sudden realization, we both came to terms with the reality of this situation and well, it got pretty emotional. I'm not going to go into detail, but it was pretty intense. It suddenly hit us; he was leaving, and i was staying right here, and we were still at that silly, prolonged, patient first step. And we embraced each other in spite of our little time we have left.

Wow, this sounds straight out of a cliche romantic movie... that gives me some thoughts...

Anyway, I'm slowly coming to terms with this, and planning on making the most of whatever time we have left... :)

This whole situation brings me to the thought of my romantic status throughout the year and past years, and for some miss-fucking-conceived reason; I always take it for granted when it comes to guys. "You don't know what you've got till it's gone", i should really start taking that into some serious consideration...
This is the third time i got involved in something so complicated as this, and i never meant to, well who does; these things just happen.

With Aaron who lives in Canada who I've NEVER met, went out with for 6 months, and still miraculously have feelings for and trust deeply, no matter the distance and the controversial opinions of others that he was a faker.

With Jerome who was the closest thing i ever had to love, shared soooo many good, fun, happy, carefree times with, who happened to have to move to the other side of Australia after the unexpected breakup and the two weeks of silence with not even a last chance to catchup before the departure, only a phone call... And things will never be the same again.

And now this... Did you guys seem to notice a pattern? Or is that just me? Oh yeah it's my pattern, so i guess it's all me then.

But the real question is, am i bringing this upon myself? Or is this karma? Is this me contradicting myself? Or is this me just trying to 'keep my head in the game' and 'focus on gold' as i previously referred to about not falling into temptation/allowing others to protect me?
Maybe this is actually a good learning process and experience for me. Perhaps it's a weird way of communicating that you gotta live in the moment and appreciate, i mean, I'm alright in that department, but not using it in the area of love.
Maybe love isn't supposed to be a simple concept for me, just like my erratic mood changes (usually good) and constant high energy levels... If so, at least i won't be bored.


Perhaps, that's just the way it's supposed to be for me.
♥